Loose Change

I did not want to start a blog.

Let me explain:

I fought it for a while, primarily because I sometimes have a hard time reading to the end of extra long tweets, so to expect people to read paragraphs of my unfiltered thoughts seemed a bit presumptuous. There is also something in me–stubbornness isn’t quite the word but I’ll use it as a placeholder for now–that despises being predictable. It’s like nails on a chalkboard. Or a high pitched ringing sound. Or the word moist–it makes me cringe. And, well, I can’t think of many things more predictable than for me, basic white girl and millennial that I am, to start a blog and expect people to read it. There are so many intelligent, wise, interesting people out there, what makes me think that I have something to say that is worth the 10 minutes it will take someone to read it?

The secondary issue was what to write about. People have lifestyle blogs, cooking/baking blogs, fitness blogs, parenting blogs, travel blogs, etc. I don’t really have an expertise to speak of. Unless, of course, you count an unexplainably comprehensive knowledge of which movies every actor ever has ever been in. So far this skill has been useless other than as a party trick but I’m still holding out hope that there’s a way to monetize it. Assuming that no one would read more than half of one post of me playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon against myself, my affinity for pop culture remains useless.

Then why start a blog at all? A reasonable question for you to ask, gracious reader who did not abandon ship after the first sentence. My motivation is a selfish one. For approximately the last 18 years, 10 months, and 4 days when asked what my dream job would be my answer has been “a writer” (yes, I know the exact moment that this dream took hold, but that’s another story for another time). To write stories, thoughts, impressions, prayers, and dreams has been one of the great joys of my life.

But something happens between that fervent childhood belief that you really will grow up to do your dream job and that cubical, fluorescent light bulb, carpel tunnel, all around beige job you have in the present. You get to college and have a quarter-life crisis. You find out how expensive buying your own toilet paper is. A practical 52-year-old accountant you didn’t know lived inside you starts yelling about student loans and unemployment rates and the failing housing market. And she lets silly 18-year-old you know how few people actually make it as writers. And 18-year-old you is a dreamer but she knows the bohemian, starving artist lifestyle isn’t for her. She’s too used to three square meals a day. And hipster shoes made from renewable resources make her feet smell like Fritos! And then a succession of practical, “career-minded” decisions are made and suddenly you are in your late 20s and no tangible steps have been made towards what you still tell people is your dream. (Just a hypothetical, not at all based on my real life)

Let me be clear, I can’t say that I regret the decisions I made. So far my life has been full of both growth and extravagant, undeserved blessings. And I don’t believe there is a path I could walk down that God could not use to shape me into the person He wants me to be. But lately I’ve been feeling in my bones that it’s time to come back to my first love, even if it’s in an avocational manner. Hence the rambling post you find yourself in the middle of. And here’s where you come in, reader who is probably my mom, my aunt, or a very good friend who will feel guilty if you don’t read this (which you don’t need to): to start writing consistently I’m in need of the accountability that online readers offer, few though they may be.

So what are you, as a reader, signing up for should you continue to participate? Another fair question, especially in light of my enigmatic title. Let me explain: as previously established I’m not an expert in anything and my life hasn’t been story of overcoming great trials that people can now benefit from. It has became clear to me that, in lieu of a clearly defined topic, this endeavor is going to end up like my taste in books, TV, movies, music, and furniture–eclectic. That has always been my shtick: jack of all trades, master of none. This is probably my parent’s fault. They insisted on giving me a wonderful childhood full of variety and exploration in the form of extracurricular activities, extensive travel, valuing books and education, and various other adventures (I know, right? The nerve!). This, along with a healthy dose of love, affirmation, and encouragement gave me the freedom to purse my main passion: a near indiscriminate interest in everything (except math).

That’s the rationale behind the title. There are all of these disjointed pieces of my life rattling around in my head, ripe for the processing. They’re not a full or complete big idea, but separately and together they have value. Also, my last name is Nickel and I’m on the loose! Get it?! One of the few promises I can make for this blog is that I will consistently take metaphors too far, so if you are not a fan of coin based humor I caution you from becoming a regular reader.

Without further ado, the following is a general idea of what I will likely post about in the future:

• Embarrassing stories- I am firmly of the belief that these are meant to be shared. If I don’t tell my embarrassing moments to other people and hopefully make them laugh it’s just something awful that happened. Also, from what I have been told by family and friends, unusual and entertaining things seem to happen to me at an alarmingly high rate compared to your average person. I’ll let you be the judge. However, if this is the case, to not share my stories would just be irresponsible, I might be just the cautionary tale you need!
• My faith- I want my relationship with God to be evident in all that I do and say. That is certainly what I am striving for but I fall short on the regular. I hope to share with you the questions and struggles I am wrestling with because I believe that vulnerability has value. It normalizes imperfection in a way that frees us from the bonds of comparison and envy. It reminds us that no one–no one—has it all together, regardless of what their instagram feed looks like.
• Social work- this has been my field for the last several years and it has exposed me to the best and worst of humanity. Sometimes being a social worker has made me joyful and hopeful and other times it has given me the desire to hide under my desk in the fetal position. Social work has also taught me so much about God and His heart, because when I step back and look at these experiences from far away the undeniable conclusion I am left with is how desperately human beings, especially myself, are in need of grace and redemption.
• Being a single female in my 20s- I know what you’re thinking. It’s something along the lines of “another one?!” Insert eye roll here. I know, I know, but it’s probably been at least 7 minutes since a Christian female in her 20s has blogged about being single, so we’re due. And yet the problem persists: there continues to be single Christians in the church and we are not handling it well. I know I said I don’t have an expertise but one thing I’m not in short supply of is opinions. I’m the kind of person who traps people in conversation with a fort made of my soap boxes. It’s a great quality, people love it at parties. I have so many opinions to share on this topic and if I don’t start writing them down I’m dangerously close to cornering a stranger at church and giving them an earful.

Note: this list is not exhaustive. The writer of this blog reserves the right to heretofore add to, delete from, or otherwise change the subject list without any prior written notice. You have been warned.

Now, in order to better inform your decision on whether Loose Change will become a part of your recreational reading I also think it is only fair to let you know what this blog will not include:

• Advice- what do I know?
• Political opinions- do I have them? Yes. Will I share them online? No. Online political discussions make me want to stick a fork in an outlet.
• Recipes- because if I accidentally poison you all there will be no one left to read my blog.

Ok. I think that’s it for now. At this point all that’s left to do is jump off the cliff and publish. My “drafts” folder told me it’s tired of only seeing this post for the last three months. It’s time for some new reading material. Thanks for sticking it out to the end, I hope you come back!

-Tina