Watch Me, Watch Me

I can neither whip nor nae nae.

Let me explain:

You’ve heard the song, yes? Please! Unless you’ve recently woken from a comma of 3 years or more you’ve heard the song. More than likely you were made to dance to it at a wedding or birthday party, which was either extremely fun or, if you’re like me, an exercise in humiliation… and yet still fun.

“Now watch me whip… now watch me nae nae…. now watch me whip, whip, now watch me nae nae…. ooh watch me, watch me… ooh watch me, watch me.” That’s pretty much the whole song. It’s primarily a dance track (if you can believe it with those earth shattering lyrics clearly designed to be the rally cry of a generation). This puts me at a disadvantage because I cannot dance. This became painfully apparent, at the height of the song’s popularity, I was working at a foster care group home where it was on a near infinite repeat. My feeble attempts at replicating the dance moves left the streetwise youths rolling on the floor in fits of giggles. (To which I responded “a little less noise there, a little less noise!” Obviously. Behavior management 101)

So why bring up this song now when it’s pop culture relevance has depreciated to the level of a Kidz Bop track? Because this song has been stuck in my head a lot recently for an unexpected and seemingly unrelated reason: a new puppy.

Ah Sookie, she came into our lives as an adorable, soft, cuddly black lab. My roommate had talked about getting a dog but I was surprised when she went out to look at a full grown dog someone was giving away and came back and placed a brand new puppy into my arms. Those first few weeks Sookie’s favorite thing to do was crawl onto and subsequently fall asleep on any lap that presented itself. ADORABLE!

The super cute snuggly phase quickly dissolved into the I’m-a-carnivore-I-eat-everything phase. My feet and my boots seemed to be her favorite delicacies. She also developed a palate for wood chips, of all things. Every time she went outside her head immediately dropped to the ground and found every wood chip within sight or smell. She even pooped only wood chips once (but that was probably too much information).

So the training began. My roommates have been incredibly patient and consistent with her. I, on the other hand, have been more like a borderline absentee crazy aunt who she only respects when it pleases her to do so. The first several months Sookie struggled with a specific command: watch me. My roommate would stand in front of Sookie with a treat in her hand and give the command, “Watch me!”. But because Sookie had the level of attention most puppies have she was far too distracted by her surroundings to obey. Which led to the command being repeated multiple times… which led to me in the background singing “ooooh watch me, watch me! Ooooh watch me, watch me!“. Which was supremely unhelpful, but also (in my opinion) supremely hilarious.

I observed this interaction over and over. My roommate holding a delicious dog treat, waiting and hoping to give it to Sookie. But you could see it in Sookie’s eyes as they wandered around the room what she was really thinking about. If I could presume to speak for her, it was something like “I don’t know if I want what you have in your hand, and Tina’s feet look delicious.”

Because I’m a sucker for an extended metaphor it occurred to me almost immediately how perfectly this ongoing struggle resembled the work God had been doing in my heart this past year or so. It was a work that started when it came to my attention that I was being wooed away from God’s abiding peace and blessings by things I wanted and didn’t have.

That’s the world we live in, isn’t it? Movies, television, magazines, social media–all are perfectly designed to make you think what everyone else has is better than what you have. Possessions, careers, and relationships are idealized to an absurd degree until they seem like the only thing your life is missing to be perfect. All these things seemed to be yelling “WATCH ME!!! WATCH ME!!!” And I was listening. A sense of injustice was poisoning my time with God. I was weighed down by a feeling of missing out, often so strong and oppressive it would bring me to tears.

But because God is good he didn’t let me stay in that place. Through wise friends speaking truth, through sermons, through reading the bible, I began finding and meditating on some of his truths and promises that refuted the belief that I have an unfair God which was growing in me subconsciously. Like Sookie has gradually come to understand that her owner holds treats in her hand, God has been teaching me to look to him first when I feel the pull of jealousy. Can I share with you a few of these little training sessions? I’m ashamed of some of them but I promised I would be vulnerable with you because I think it’s important. Also, I think there is a fair chance I’m not the only one who has felt this way.

My heart: It’s not fair, Lord, she looks how I want to look and because of that she gets the things I want.

God’s word: Watch me. Watch me and be at peace. Envy will destroy you from the inside. (Proverbs 14:30)

My heart: I work so hard and my job thankless. Other people get paid so much more and they get “perks” too. Why aren’t I valued and pursued by employers?

God’s Word: Watch me. Watch me and continue to do what I have called you to do. In due season you will reap if you do not give up. (Galatians 6:9)

My heart: Why am I alone when so many other people my age have a family of their own. Why have you chosen to withhold that blessing from me?

God’s Word: Watch me. Watch me for I will fully satisfy your every need (Philippians 4:19). I know what you need and sometimes what you need is better than what you want, and because I am your good father I will give you good gifts (Matthew 7:11)

So there you have it. It’s a super easy formula. Input discontentment, a dash of scripture, pray and stir, and voila! It’s fool proof! So I no longer struggle with envy or discontent–

I’m totally messing with you. Every day is a herculean struggle. Sometimes it feels like every moment is a fight to the death for contentment.

But when I am diligent, when I remember the promises in scripture, it’s so clear that God has good plans and blessings that he wants to give me–that he has already given me. It makes me want to stop spending all my time wishing for wood chips.